Process of Mending

Things that I can do to mend my relationship
- cook/eat food that makes you feel good
- see if just changing something will make me feel good. Put on a little eyeliner, change hair, whatever that I will enjoy
- Body outline telling things i like about myself
- writing an apology letter to my body for being such a bitch to it all these years
- make promises to your body of how you plan on treating it
- talk to women who battled ED and how they overcame their insecurities
- picture and appreciate the parts of your body you like. Even if its wrinkles or fat, just appreciate what you think you really like
- just be free, and dance like no one is watching. Learn moves if you want to, but dont be afraid.
- research about trends that were against body positivity
- make cool patters with my curves and make them into posters I enjoy looking at
- water memory, blessing what you eat

The mend that I have chosen to repair is the relationship I have with myself and my body, which is a kind of metaphorical mend.
Metaphorical mends are mends which are done with rather abstract things through a symbolic action.
The process of mending took place in a couple of steps, which have been enlisted and documented on this page.

The Process of mending took place in the following ways:

1) I started the journey by writing a little love letter to myself.

2)Decided to unfollow everybody who was indulging in body shaming or making me feel bad about myself on instagram.
Promised myself not to judge people's posts and their bodies.

3)Started yoga, which I had never tried before and got back to working out, which I had left a couple months ago. Slowly, I transitioned from working out because it made me feel nice and not because I wanted to lose inches.
Honestly, the most difficult thing to do in this list.

4)Made a list of personal goals which celebrated me as a person, and as a student of design. Not a person with smaller face and sharper jawline.

5) Started practicing something called as 'Water Memory' which asked me to bless every morsel and sip of water I took. The idea was that the intent with which you eat affects the effect of food/water on your body.

6)Made promises to myself which will remind me of this introspection and journey, if I were to lose my love for my body again.

7)Started dancing to feel sexy about myself. Yoga also taught me to touch myself like I love myself and I realized how harsh I had been to myself all these years and my body was nothing but supportive.

8)Cooked food that made me happy and called up mom numerous times for the recipes. I realized that a lot of these items used to make me feel guilty for eating them because they were 'fatty'. However I realized that my intent was to be and eat healthy, not to be inches smaller.

9)Most importantly, I shared this insecurity with all the people close to me. It took off such a huge burden off my chest because all this while I thought I was fighting this alone.

My personal starting thoughts

I realized that I have spiralled into body shaming myself multiple times. Even though I have fought this battle before in school, it came back again during this quarantine. Thus, I decided to make myself a little Perzine (personal zine) just documenting the whole journey. Incase the future me starts doubting herself again, the past me would be here to help her out.

This is my preview video of the personal zine that I created through this journey. Even though I have started feeling extremely positive about myself and am beginning to build a healthy relationship with my body, I was still scared of people seeing this zine.
I felt extremely vulnerable during this process, however I think I am ready to share it with everyone else around me.
I hope that I don't have to refer to it for future support and will remain supportive of myself. However, I don't think I really could have started, and now ended this journey, without some of the most important people in my life. If you are suffering from body shaming yourself, trust me and tell the people closest to you. They would go out of their way to help you in this. My people did, and so will yours. Hopefully a time will come when we wouldn't need zines and booklets to help us love ourselves. Until then, keep smiling, you beautiful people.